The Big Idea

Folly by definition is a foolish action or idea, the word absurdity and phrase "lack of sense" seem to continually arise. But what would life be like without these follies? Why not embrace these ideas and get a little nutty! This is my journal for those adventures, and along the way I hope to meet new people, take the path less traveled, have some fun, and spread the story of this sustainable journey we call life! Here you’ll find short anecdotes about my life, links to enlightenment, and opinions on how to have fun! I would love to hear about your folly, so feel free to e-mail me, I might just post them, and thanks for visiting!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Resolution


Once again it’s that time of year, the time when we gaze hopefully toward the future and a new start, and reminisce on the triumphs, joys, failures, and sorrows of the past. It’s the end of one year and the start of a new. With the changing of calendars on the wall, and the guilt of eating too many holiday cookies comes the inevitable quandary of what should we resolve to do differently this upcoming year?


A resolution is an expression of intention, an act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action. But it’s also the mental state or quality of being resolute, having a firmness of purpose; in court it’s a judicial decision, a verdict. The medical field views resolution as a return from a pathological to a normal condition, the subsidence of the symptoms of a disease. Musicians even see it as the process in harmony whereby a dissonant note or chord is followed by a consonant one. Even your TV has a resolution!




What we’re talking about however is the promise we all tend to make tomorrow, big or small. The norm for most New Year’s resolutions usually deal with plans to spend more time with friends or family, quitting smoking or drinking, and getting into better shape. Others promise to find happiness or add to the quality of life, taming debt, or taking up a new hobby. And there are always those altruistic hopes too of giving back and helping others or getting life organized and onto a new path.


These seemingly ridiculous commitments started thousands of years ago in Babylon as Babylonians resolved to give something borrowed, back to their neighbors. Two thousand years later the Romans gave gifts to loved ones and asked for forgiveness from their enemies, starting the New Year with some sort of “clean slate.” The Romans believed in new starts so vehemently they even changed the date of the New Year to coincide with the first month of our current calendar, January, being named after Janus, the two-faced Roman god of beginnings and transitions. All over the globe and throughout a variety of cultures the passing from one year to the next has always been an occasion for celebration and making promises that the next year will be better than the previous.


Most people resolve to give something up, to drop some seemingly bad habit or flaw. Some religious dogma over the years possibly has lead some to believe we would be better off if we gave up these vices or wanton urges in our life, focusing on our transgressions from the past year and fixing them. I say we look forward instead and believe our resolutions should be about gaining something, rather than sacrifice. Last year was the first time I decided to be resolute in my resolution and other than a few lapses, firmly stuck to what I decided to change in 2011. However my intention was to cut things out of my life, seemingly unimportant things too. I was able to eliminate, begrudgingly of course, two things I knew would be hard to give up, but in the end giving these things up did not make me a better person or a happier one. They were healthy exclusions, but for 2012 I plan on including something, something that will make me that better person and a happier one.






So this year I have my goals, the things I want to accomplish; I’m going to find a great job, I’m going to eat healthy, I am going to stay fit and run another marathon and a 50 mile ultra. I’m going to finally defend my thesis, and close that chapter in my life, and possibly even reapply to start my PhD. I’m going to stay positive and enjoy my life in 2012, I’m going to find that happiness that I feel I slightly lost in 2011, but those are some of my goals, my resolution is a core thing I am going to change. January first my resolution starts, and this year I am resolving to go big, I plan on finding compassion in my life for the people around me. I resolve to listen better and care more about the important things in life, those in it, and show the ones I love that I do in fact love them. By this time next year I hope to have nurtured the relationships in my life to the point that I don’t feel alone anymore, to the point where I am truly happy because I have stopped pushing people away and instead opened my arms and heart to others. I know it sounds lofty, or fanciful, but I think it’s attainable and I believe it will change my life and the lives of those around me.


Well Happy New Year and good luck with whatever you decided to do or not do or change in your life for 2012! If you’d like, share your resolutions here with me and our one other reader… Haha! Feel free to post, I hope to hear from you!!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Holidays!!!


I just wanted to say happy holidays to everyone out there! I hope you all are with loved ones and having a joyous and laughter filled day. Here's a good card I read and wanted to share with everyone.


It’s All About You

It’s Christmas

And the mood is merry

Lots of people are out

Spending time and money,

Trying to find new and improved ways

To show others how they feel

Don’t get me wrong

I like gifts as much as the next person

But there are some things

That cant be bought

Like the way I feel about you

Theres nothing at the store

That adequetly says

“your smile makes me smile’

There’s no “thing” that really

Expresses just how much

I love and appreciate you

So I am telling you now

All the hustle and bustle aside

You mean the world to me

You are the real gift in my life.


In the end life is all about the people in it, so thank you all for being in my life! Have a wonderful rest of your 2011!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Shit my dad says


Rule # 1: Go with the flow

Rule # 2: Be happy



There was a long set of rules my dad had about life, most of them sounded like lines out of Shit My Dad Says and I wish I could remember them all, but rule number one and two were always in his rants at some point. He was a huge advocate for living your life and he hated it when people just talked about doing things. Action was key and my parents agreed on this point, I still hear my dad’s words coming out of my mom’s mouth almost every time I see her, “Don’t just talk about it, do it!” I feel like the Nike swoosh should have been their logo for parenting. They have always been very optimistic and motivating about any endeavor I have set my sights on, it’s a trait of theirs I greatly appreciate and it’s come to be the way I live my life as well.


Their beliefs obviously trickled down and I see “doing” as a tenet, the foundation of a strong and happy life. It leads to being; being the person you want to be in the life you want to lead. It was important to my dad to impart his silly wisdom and I remember at times thinking he needs to quit with all the rhetoric. I remember him saying over and over, to go with the flow and to be happy, and lately I’ve found myself pursuing something I really want, something paramount to me, and it’s been pretty against the flow. I know it’s crucial what I’m doing, but I need to remember my dad’s number one rule a little more, and go with the flow. What should happen will happen…


I believe you have to DO to make a difference in your life, but lately I see it cannot be all encompassing. The need for compassion when you’re gunning for something is just as important as the gunning itself. There are always people around you that will be affected by the wake we leave and those should be considered. Getting to the finish line all alone is no way to get to rule number two, being happy. I see now that rule number two is really the goal, where as rule number one is part of how we get there, and it’s the people that join us throughout life and cross those finish lines with us that we set for ourselves that make this life worth the doing.



I’m sure if dad was still around he would look at me now, shaking his head, and say, “You’re finally getting it.” It’s just an adjustment I needed to understand, to have a slightly different view of his top two rules.


With that and the fresh snow that sits on the ground outside, I want to finally share something I wrote the day my dad passed away. I wrote this when I was 18, probably in a state of shock, so be kind on your judgments, it’s a metaphor through the view of something my family always has cherished. Anyway, thanks again for listening and here is Snow Conditions:


On the slopes of life

We constantly wish for better times.

In the deep powder we laugh and pray for more

On the ice we curse and struggle.

Ever changing we adjust.

Our skis are sharp, tuned, and precise

Days of sunshine call to us to free ourselves.

Runs on a cloudy day are flat

And falling snow nips at our nose.

Ever changing we adjust.

Spring rolls in and layers are shed

As snow melts and turns to slush.

Whether you’re in jeans or down

Shorts or a sweater.

Ever changing we adjust.

Real skiers will brave the squall

Battling rain, sleet, cold, and wind.

We call these slopes our home

They guide us to our goal.

Ever changing we adjust.

Cringing we ski through the bad

Knowing tomorrow there will be good.

Ever changing we adjust.

Truth is, we adjust.

We fight. We deal. We live.

In the end the snow doesn’t change

We adjust.



Sunday, December 18, 2011

What a week!


After an amazing week that started with submitting a final draft of my Master's thesis and continued with new progress on Pure Pursuit, an amazing job interview, seeing old friends and spending a lot of time with someone infinitely important to me, Sunday hit the Front Range with sun and soaring temps!! Although it is December, here in Colorado the weather always seems to please and surprise, 65 ain't too shabby when it's supposed to be cold and snowy! We took advantage of the mild temps and quickly headed off to the mountains with the furry pup in tow for a day of hiking.




After a few battles with icy trails, chilly ankles, and sore necks from constantly looking down, we made it to the summit! It was a little windy on top, but the views were amazing! What a day!







The annual appearance of generations of hideous holiday apparel of course came out this weekend as well. All over town people were committed to celebrating the holiday cheer wearing some dusty and possibly stained relic from the past. This festivity is always a favorite for me and my passion for wearing ugly clothes! My good friends the Hawks hosted this years gathering and we had one hell of a time! Everyone came dressed to impress and smiles and laughter abounded.






Brad was the only one not to dress up.....

Thanks for following Ronto's Folly and I hope everyone out there has a happy and safe Holiday!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Pure Pursuit Is Back!!


After a few long months off from the dream that is Pure Pursuit we finally got back into the kitchen! I didn't know where I wanted to take the company, I had tested the bars at the Farmer's Market this summer and they were a hit, but I was still unsure if it's what I wanted to be doing. Anyway I took a bit of time away from Pure Pursuit and have decided that they are just too dang good to let this idea fall to the wayside. So last night we pulled up our sleeves and with the help of my amazing volunteer worker bees, blasted out a few batches! During my slight sabbatical I did find some time to design new packaging as well, and finally we have that ever important nutritional label on the back! They look great, taste great, and are ready for sale! Keep an eye out in Fort Collins, soon they'll be hitting the shelves!!


Here's Steph and my Mom taking charge! What a crew!! Thank you so much you two, this would not have been possible without your help.

The ever important cut.... I still have some work to do to get all the bars more even, but I'm brainstorming on that front! And don't you worry, I'm making them on the big side so there's still tons of energy packed goodness in every little package!


Stay tuned with more information on where to get these tasty little goodies!

Ski Week!!!


Ahhh, Family ski week is finally here! Every year my surrogate family, the Blomsness's, has their annual trip out west to Beaver Creek, Colorado, and it's a week I look forward to all year long. It's always a time to kick back and relax, eat way too much amazing food, enjoy the hot tubs multiple times a day, and even occasionally get a few runs in on the slopes. This week is never about pushing ourselves, alarm clocks are forgotten about, morning coffees are bought at Starbucks around noon, and fresh warm cookies at 3 o'clock are something we make sure we are off the hill for. Although we spend this time at one of Colorado's best resorts, its really not about the skiing, but about family!



I forgot to mention we all think we are Olympian ice dancers... Ya those are skills, see that, one legged!


Yep we can all do it, that's our group's move!



Even here Rob is on one leg, still doing the move! Strong work Rob!!



I did mention eating I believe right? When we're not on the ice... or slopes, we're dining, and boy does the food in Colorado's high country keep you coming back! From Jager Schnitzel at Pepe's in Vail to lobster, scallop, and crab pasta at Toscanini's in Beaver Creek, we hit all the highlights and never once are we disappointed. We spend a lot of time enjoying each others company and the laughs go late into the nights.


This year was special too, with Rob and his wife Mel, as well as Rob's sister and her husband finally once again making the trip to ski country. For the last six years since Rob dedicated his life to the US NAVY he has had to miss this amazing week. I continued right on through however, filling in where his spot was left. A few of our friends were there as well, Travis and Maggie of course who are regulars at Ski Week were there, and my good buddy Vince even made the trip this year from Chicago. It was better than ever this year with everyone finally back in one place together! I want to say thank you to Jeff and Pattie for always having open arms and hearts and allowing me to be part of their family, as well, a thanks goes out to Rob's uncle Bill who finally brought his partner with for us to meet and get to know. Lastly, the rest of you that were that, thanks for the great week and fun memories, I am already looking forward to next year!!


Enjoy dessert too.... Anyone who know's Mr B. knows his world famous sundaes!!

Monday, December 12, 2011

10 years...


Someone I loved once gave me


A box full of darkness.


It took me years to understand


That this too, was a gift. -Mary Oliver-


It’s been ten years since my father passed away and until recently I have been extremely guarded about my emotions and even talking about my dad. When he died I was 18 and I didn’t know how to cope with the trauma that was going on around me so I chose the unhealthy route of delaying my grieving and instead tucking my emotions away behind a veil of projected self strength and confidence. I have lived behind this front, so perfectly sculpted that no one even knew the deep seeded pain that I had yet to let out and deal with. Anyway, this post is not like anything else I have ever written, for the first time in my life I am seeing that it’s ok to vent and talk about things that for so long I buried in a place I though I would eventually just forget about. Being a writer, this is the best way I know how to manage my thoughts, and I am not embarrassed to share them anymore, but it’s taken me 10 years to get to this point. Maybe there is an 18 year old man out there, or any age, dealing with the same thing and knowing that others have lived through it and made it out the other side may help, it has for me. So I am warning you to walk away now if you’re not ready to see Ronto’s Folly in a new light, but this is my life and currently my folly. Thanks again for reading if you stay the course.


It was March of 2002, I was in the second semester of my first year of college out here at Colorado State University. I had fled the flat lands of my childhood as soon as I graduated high school in search of higher ground. My family had always had a condo at Keystone and one of the perks of living in Fort Collins was I got to go up there and stay for free for weekend ski adventures. I remember I was skiing with my friends, actually I had brought this girl with curly read hair I liked with for the weekend and when we got back after a beautiful blue bird day with fresh powder all over the mountain I noticed I had 17 missed calls. I froze as my friends were opening beers and knew exactly what those missed calls were about. Before I could really react my best friend Rob walked through the door, who was supposed to be two hours away back in Fort Collins. I don’t remember why he didn’t come skiing with us that day but there he was saying something about how he had packed my bag and how his dad got us plane tickets and we were leaving, NOW. It’s all pretty fuzzy what happened between then and when we got on the plane in Denver, but I feel like I didn’t talk much, and sitting on the plane I began to shut down. I had only talked to my mom for a few seconds, to let her know I was on my way, and on my own sitting there I decided I was going to be the rock my family needed. That plane ride flashed by and all I remember was not crying when I saw my mom. I don’t have a clue how I got home from the airport or where we went. I just remember floating around not really feeling anything. I didn’t cry, I was just frozen, suspended in what I guess would be called shock. I think it helped my mom and sisters, I remember them being a mess but I was solid. I wrote a poem that night, ha ya back then I wrote poetry, to read at the funeral, and I remember reading it to everyone, and there were what seemed like thousands at the funeral. I remember my mom and sisters standing up with me bawling and I knew I couldn’t shed a tear, I had to say what they couldn’t, I had to eulogize my dad.


Something to understand about my dad was he was a hero, well my hero! He was bigger than life, had a huge heart, and knew everyone. One of the odd memories I have from that day at the funeral was shaking everyone’s hands, and there was this line out around the building and down the street. I was in awe at how many people my dad’s life had touched, and the most amazing part about this memory is that I feel like I knew every one of the people I was shaking hands with. Like at some point, everyone in my dad’s life had been to the house, or on a trip with us, somehow he had involved me in every aspect of his world, so much so that I knew the seemingly 2000 people close enough to him to show up at his funeral. I don’t really have any other memories about that time though. I have no clue how long I was home for, or even going back to school in Colorado. I do remember though calling the girl that lived across the hall from me in the dorms, she was someone I knew from high school, and I asked her to tell everyone back at CSU, my group of friends that is, to specifically not ask me how I was doing. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, so to please have everyone keep it off the conversational radar. She must have succeeded because no one ever brought it up, and I appreciated that at the time.


Memories start to come back once I got back to CSU, but by that point I had somehow found a spot deep in my mind to house my grief and I trapped it there, covered it, and forgot about it. I went on with my life and anytime any emotion would start to boil up I would avoid it, leave the situation, and push it out of my world, out of my mind, and out of my heart. I was training my mind to control my life, and soon there were less and less attempts by my emotions to regain the upper hand. I opted not to go home after my first year of college and stayed out here in Colorado to become a raft guide, and live as much as possible in the mountains. My life seemed easier, to concentrate on playing and becoming a mountain man of sorts. None of the decisions I was making were based on emotions or feelings, and as the years passed I forgot, honestly forgot about the pain that I never dealt with. I became callous and careless. I was a lot of fun to be around but it was all just a surface show. I lived my life pretty loosely, but my mind was disciplined like a monk’s, never faltering or letting on to irrationality. I cut fear and jealousy out of my life. I cut love out of my life. I cut anything out of my life that seemed to be a weakness that I saw in others. I believed I was happy, and I thought my life was about me. I constructed ridiculous systems to stay emotionally safe, and I believed I could keep pain out of my life for good if I stuck to my rules.


I never grieved, psychologists call it delayed grieving, and there is no length to which people wait to grieve but from what I have read it seems most people think that anywhere between 6 months to a year is the acceptable period for grieving. Well screw that, I’m sorry, I’m on year 10 and I am just starting this process. Everyone has their ways, and this was mine, it allowed me to live through that trauma, instead of shutting down. The crazy part is that all the literature says that people dealing with grief like this, by pushing it away, usually suffer in their career or academics, they withdraw socially, they stop exercising, or they develop eating disorders. I breezed through undergrad with high marks, and walked to straight A’s in grad school, I went out and met new people, I dated, and I was always ready for a good time. I exercised more than most people and ate anything I wanted. On the exterior I seemed fine, and even on the inside I believed I was fine, that’s how good of a job I did masking the pain left by not dealing with the hand life had dealt me, even I believed the façade…


Part of the process that I feel bad about was the fact that our family didn’t grieve together. If you ask my mother, she believes we bonded after my dad died, but I ran, I came back here to Colorado and I didn’t go home after the school year was over. I feel we isolated ourselves, mainly myself I guess, forcing each of us to grieve on our own. For me it seemed no one wanted to bring up the topic of dads death because of fear of upsetting another family member that may be having a hard time with it. So no one ever asked, “How are you doing?” It wasn’t a callous thing, we didn’t want to ignore one another, I just think we were all dealing with it in our own ways and didn’t want to talk about it. Since we didn’t bring it up on our own I think the others assumed each other was doing alright. It’s a mean cycle where no one talked about it and I think that lead to part of why I felt so distanced from my mom and sisters for a long time. I cared about them, but there was distance, and that distance is just now becoming smaller.


Some of the things that have been hardest since he died have been when I see my good friends with their dads, or even just as they talk on the phone with their dads. I used to leave the room when my best friend Rob would be talking to his dad on the phone. His dad is amazing, reminds me a lot of my own dad, and has stepped in where my dad left off, and although there was lots of love there from his dad to me, I still felt anxiety when they would talk because I felt so mad at my dad for dying. I felt robbed of the chance to grow up and have an adult relationship with him, and at times I just wished I could pick up the phone and call him. I never cared if I saw someone with their father that I didn’t know, but when it was my friends it was hard. Even this year, my friend Travis had his dad out here hunting and it filled me with remorse because I would love to hunt with my dad. I never got to do these things with him, and for a long time I was actually mad at him for that. Another real contention was when I was required to walk my sisters down the wedding aisle. Of course I was happy to be there for my sisters, but I felt so angry in those moments because it was not my responsibility. Dads are supposed to walk their daughters down the aisle, not their little brothers. I felt like he let them down, and that’s what pissed me off. I was really mad about that. There were other times too, at first; holidays and birthdays were something I wanted to avoid because I was upset he was missing it all. I’ve even gone to the lengths of not letting anyone know when my birthday is because I didn’t want to celebrate it, and in 10 years most of the people in my life have forgotten when it actually is. Graduations and family get-togethers, or my mom moving were all hard times because he was supposed to be there for all of that. Even getting a job, or going back to school, or buying my house, they were all tough times.


Well with time the anger has passed, and I’m not mad anymore. For a long time I actually believed I was past it, that I was fine, the attitude was this is life and it sucks sometimes but deal with it. Lately I’m actually opening some of those hidden packages of emotions I thought I burnt in my mental incinerator, and what I feel now is sadness. I’m not angry he’s not here, I’m sad. Its been 10 years now since the last time I saw him, it was Christmas break 2001, and I’m still sad he’s not here anymore. I don’t know if that ever goes away to be honest, I hope it doesn’t, because it helps me to remember him, but it’s hard, and even as I write this I am choked up and can feel tears welling. My mom still misses him so much too. They were best friends and so compatible. She is so lonely sometimes and I don’t think she will ever marry again because she doesn’t want to just have someone to spend time with, she wants to spend time with her best friend, her love, and he’s no longer on this planet. It’s hard sometimes to see her when she is sad, because she has also been so strong for the past 10 years, and I know there is still a lot of pain there.


This whole unearthing of these emotions and feelings was brought on by a decision I made in my life that I instantly regretted and it started me down the path of looking back at the last 10 years with an extremely critical lens. I am trying to make up for my past mistakes, and am trying to actually understand the way I feel about the things that have happened in my life. I know there’s been a lot of good in the last 10 years as well, but there are times that I see now as moments of greatness that I let pass by because I was too closed off to accept them. Grieving is hard, and sometimes time doesn’t always help like we hope for it to, but what helps me is to know that life is still going to happen and if we decided to just float around disconnected because of fear, that life will pass us up, and I'm not willing to let that happen anymore. I’ll post more about this I’m sure, so if you made it through this all, thanks, and if this helped anyone else going through the loss of a parent than I’m glad I wrote it even though it was difficult.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

San Diego!


This year the whole family got to take a little time off and get away together! We decided to go to San Diego, on of my favorite cities, and hit the beach and the theme parks for the kids! I have been to San Diego now about 6 or 7 times, my best friend Rob has been stationed there, being in the NAVY, so I got to go visit a lot. But this was the first time I was there while he was not so instead of the usual adventure and drinks type of SD vacation, we concentrated on the the side of SD that I had not spent much time. With the kids packed up, off we headed, to sunny California!



I have 3 nephews, Tanner, Carter, and Ian, and one princess of a niece, Madisen. All being between the ages of 5 and 1 it was fun to take them around to the various parks and show them things I remember being excited about as a kid. We got to go to Sea World and see Shamu, Madisen made it to Disney Land, and everyone even found their way around to Lego Land! The kids loved it, I was exhausted and I didn't even partake in all the park days, rather picked and choose my battles wisely.




This ugly guy scared them all!

This is Ian, I like to think of him as Gerbnug, short for my little Gerber Nugget Baby!

Mom and I enjoying the sunset on Coronado!





The Del Coronado, this is where Rob married his wife Mel, it's amazing in there!

The whole clan!!



Not vacation for some people.... Kids are so hard! 4 at once is almost impossible, I don't know how my sisters and their husbands do this, but they are saints!


And lastly, the view form our patio! This was the first day we got there, and we didn't really see the sun again the rest of the week... So much for sunny California! Marine layer sucks, I'll gladly stay with my actual 300 days of sunshine here in Colorado. Overall, it was a great time, the kids had a blast, and although it was hectic at times, it was a nice getaway with the family!